Involuntary change management

I recently had tea and cake with a couple from my church, and I was telling them about my plans for the future, and one of them remarked, “You are always doing something fresh. Starting new things.” I took that comment away with me, and it is true. My life since turning 18 and leaving for university has been punctuated by change, new starts, restarts, pivots and side steps. Most of these changes were not of my own instigation; it was me making the best of the situations I was given.

So in this blog, I want to talk about responding to unexpected change. If you live long enough, you will eventually have change thrust upon you. These moments of intense change can feel overwhelming and be incredibly stressful. I’ve been through moments of change like these many times in the last 7 years, and I’ve learnt a few things about how to make the change process more manageable.

First comes shock

There's always a shock factor to these things. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve had change thrust upon you; unexpected news unseats all of us. Even now I still feel it, even though I also feel I should be somewhat immune now. We can often feel the need to solve the problem right now, but one thing I have realised is that things are often not as urgent as they feel in our initial shock. That’s because the adrenaline from your shock activates your survival instincts to deal with the threat immediately! This is because your body reacts to this news the same way as a life-threatening situation, when postponing dealing with it for later isn’t an option.

The best advice I can offer when you get this kind of news is to take a breath, or even better, a couple of hours to regroup. Then talk with someone you trust and who can give you good advice. I promise after that, whatever it is will still suck, but it will be clearer what you need to do next.

One thing I found out through my own journey with anxiety is that stress, panic, and intense anger essentially shut off your prefrontal cortex - that part of your brain that does planning, goal setting and reasoning. This means that in this state, you are physically incapable of thinking things through rationally or evaluating options. This is not a good place to be making decisions from. Another interesting point is that, as social mammals, humans benefit from co-regulation. This means that being around people we know and trust can help bring our nervous system back into balance, allowing our prefrontal cortex to come back online and start analysing and problem-solving. The other benefit is that seeking advice from someone who isn’t going through the situation can give a more objective perspective about what is going on and what your options really are.

What comes next?

Once out of the shock, the change or problem hasn’t magically gone away, but you can better approach resolving it.

For me , this means falling back to my design training. Assuming that I change is unavoidable, what is the desirable outcome I want from this? (i.e. obtain a new job or a home) and what needs to happen to make this so?  So while to those around me my decisions and changes can seem to come out of left field, often they are in fact based on my current objectives and strategy.

This approach helps me look at the positive opportunities for change as well as imagining multiple options. If I have to move home, that gives me the opportunity to live somewhere new (new street, new city or even a new country) or take a job that would require me to relocate. If I’m losing my job, it allows me to look for roles where I can do more of what I like and less of the things I find boring about my current job or try something completely new.

For example, my moving to Scotland achieved my objective of securing a graduate job where I would use what I learnt in my degree; the location of that job was not important. Choosing to stay on with the company after the project ended provided financial and social stability to my life, and minimised the amount of change I had to tolerate during a difficult time.

Similarly, my decision to try to join the Royal Navy came from the realisation that I had always wanted to serve my country, and that my current work situation was unstable. My goal was to either open or close that door, as I had nothing to lose in trying, and I would regret it if I didn’t. A low-risk, high-reward decision.

I’m not saying these decisions need to be as clinical as this; often, I wasn’t aware of the decision process until I was through it. The process is seldom this cut and dry. But those priorities are important; they can help you focus on what really matters and what you can sacrifice or let go of.

Change comes with leaving things behind, always; but sometimes for the right change it is worth it.

So my advice if you are facing down change, either involuntarily or intentionally

1. Take a breath. Very rarely are things as urgent as they seem.

2. Establish what your priorities are right now.

   1. What is important in your life to you right now?

   2. What needs to change now and how?

   3. What is fixed/unchangeable?

   4. What are things that you have control over?

3.  Weigh the options. There is almost never a time when you only get one choice. Spend time brainstorming options (even kinda out-there ones); it gives you more choices, helps you realise you have some control and stops you feeling trapped by the situation.

4.  Don’t do it alone. Consult people you trust and those who can give good advice and wisdom (especially if you are young). There may also be people who can help you bring about that change. Don’t suffer in silence; I’ve tried it, and it doesn’t work.

Do you have any advice about handling change? How do you approach it?